Disenfranchised Grief in Black Women: When Your Loss Is Overlooked
Grief is difficult enough when the people around you understand what you have lost. When your pain is invisible, minimized, or dismissed, it can feel even heavier. You may wonder if your grief is valid or feel pressure to move on before you are ready. This is called disenfranchised grief, loss that is not acknowledged or supported by others.
What Disenfranchised Grief Looks Like
Disenfranchised grief can take many forms:
The end of a relationship others did not take seriously
Miscarriage, infertility, or pregnancy loss
The loss of health or mobility
Career changes, job loss, or financial setbacks
The death of someone in your life that others did not know well
The loss of a pet that felt like family
For many Black women, certain losses may be especially vulnerable to being overlooked. Pregnancy loss may be met with silence instead of support. The end of a long-standing community role may be brushed aside because you are expected to “find another way to serve.” Health changes may not receive empathy because you have always been seen as the strong one.
The Pressure to Stay Strong
Cultural expectations can make disenfranchised grief even more difficult to carry. Many Black women describe feeling pressure to maintain composure in public and to keep fulfilling responsibilities, even in moments of deep personal loss. This “strong Black woman” expectation is meant to honor resilience, but it can also silence grief, making it harder to ask for help or to show vulnerability.
When grief is kept private for too long, it can deepen feelings of isolation and prolong the healing process. Research shows that unresolved grief is linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and physical health issues (Stroebe et al., 2007).
How to Honor Your Loss
Your grief does not need outside approval to be valid. Naming it for yourself is the first step toward healing. You might create a personal ritual, such as lighting a candle, writing a letter, or planting something in memory of what you have lost. You could also make time for practices that connect you with a sense of safety including prayer, meditation, journaling, or time in nature.
It is also important to seek spaces where your grief will be met with understanding. This might be a trusted friend, a culturally affirming support group, or therapy with someone who understands the weight of both the loss itself and the pressure to carry it quietly.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy offers a private, compassionate space to process grief without judgment or time limits. In my work with Black women, I help create room for their losses to be fully acknowledged, even when the world has minimized them. Together we explore ways to honor what was lost, tend to emotional wounds, and begin moving forward in a way that feels authentic and sustainable.
If you are grieving something others cannot see or understand, you do not have to carry it alone. Schedule a consultation today to begin your healing process.
